By encouraging the other person to talk for most of the conversation, it fosters a more welcoming environment and allows those around you to feel heard and important. When you only talk about yourself, it often makes others feel unwelcome, inferior, or envious. Personally I found principle six to be particularly important as I have a personal habit of sharing relatable instances when others tell their story. In your head, it shows that you’re engaged and listening but try to consider the language you use because from the other person’s perspective, it may sound like you’re trying to “1 up them”.

I haven’t quoted any of the book so far (even though I enjoy quoting from writers extensively) because I figured it would make things confusing with the already-existing summaries. However, this one really resonated with me since it’s something that I’ve noticed myself doing a lot thanks to pandemic-era times. “Now, when we have some time to chat, I ask them to share their joys with me, and I only mention my achievements when they ask” (174).

Carnegie explicitly mentions this as the “one key takeaway from his book". He writes, “If, as a result of reading this book, you get only one thing- an increase tendency to think always in terms of the person’s point of view, and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own - if you get only that one thing from this book, it may easily prove to be one of the stepping-stones of your career” (186)

I’ve always enjoyed hearing other perspectives, regardless of whether I agree with them or not. The main reason for doing so is just to see their rationale or justification because that is often more interesting than the opinion itself. If you can understand somebody’s perspective, it makes it much easier to consider their justification regardless of whether you think it is right or wrong.

I used to be in a college class labelled "Political Science 179" which would host speakers from both sides of the political spectrum, often leading to some heated conversation. However, it is important to keep this in mind because everyone is the culmination of their own experiences, regardless of whether you think they are justified or not. This idea only becomes increasingly important to avoid the dangers of living in our own social circles, and the subsequent inability to feel compassion for those who are different from ourselves.

This is one of the easiest principles to understand yet hardest to actually achieve. Carnegie essential states that it is often better to see the well-meaning intentions behind one’s actions rather than the devious ones.

Unfortunately, things such as implicit bias make it difficult to do so. However, often times when you look at groups who are traditionally portrayed negatively in the media or one's social circles, things become increasingly complicated.

Personally, I feel as if the best solution is to recognize one's own shortcomings and to make changes whenever you see fit. For example, I took a class on incarceration a while back because I thought it would be an eye-opening experience for me after learning about the lack of rehabilitation under the current carceral system. After hearing from the perspectives of people who were previously incarcerated, it’s something that has continued to resonate with me as an example of listening to the experiences and perspectives of others.

No, Carnegie is not encouraging people simply to fight for the sake of fighting but rather as a mans to stimulate healthy competition. Nobody sums it up better than Carnegie himself who writes, "This is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win.The desire for a feeling of importance" (212).

Just like the last principle, this can seen as every point in life whether it's the tiniest of school fundraisers for a measly prize or perhaps your own professional/personal rival. Theoretically, these should only seek to bring out the best in person as sources for constant motivation!