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How to Win Friends and Influence People Review and Analysis: Part Two (Six Ways to Make People Like You)
Author: Kenny Ong
Why is Chapter Two Important?
Chapter Two builds upon the lessons in Chapter One and gives you simple ways to become a better conversationalist! Many of the techniques require a bit of additional mindfulness once you begin but after a while, they become natural!
Principle One: Become Genuinely Interested in Other People
It is much more effective to make friends when you are genuinely interested in their life and well-being rather than convincing them of the merits that you possess. People tend to like to be friends with considerate and kind-hearted people. As mentioned in principle two of part one, it is important that this interest in another’s life is genuine rather than fabricated. Interest in others leads to both empathy (relating to) and sympathy (understanding and agreeing with) of another’s feelings.
Principle Two: Smile.
Smiling is essentially the visual equivalent of “compliment rather than criticize”. Showing a smile to those around you offers a sense of friendliness and warmth which is nearly universally appreciated. This can often translate into more pleasant interactions, as well as a “chain reaction" of kindness for those around you. It makes people more willing to talk, act kind, as well as past that same warmth onto others.
Principle Three: Remember That a Person’s Name Is to That Person the Sweetest and Most Important Sound in Any Language
To remember somebody’s name serves as an instance of good will and valuation/interest in the person. By contrast, forgetting somebody’s name will serve as a bad impression and more than likely, an unpleasant memory for that individual.
Principle Four: Be a Good Listener, Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves
People think that good listeners are good conversationalists (this ties in with previous principles such as being interested in others, and showing appreciation). By showing that you are a good listener, it will make others feel included and appreciated, as well as more willing to share about their lives with you. In the business world, this may leave to more opportunities due to your interest and/or concern in any ongoing issues.
Principle Five: Talk in Terms of the Other Person’s Interests
This one is one of the most self-explanatory tales so far. Simply just talk to people about stuff they’re interested in rather than what you’re interested in. This connects to the idea of establishing genuine interest, and is the “next step” to being a good listener (let them talk about themselves then follow up). By talking to others about what they'll find interesting, it encourages them to open up to you.
(Chapter Six) Principle Six: Make the Other Person Feel Important - And Do It Sincerely
The culmination of most of the principles outlined in this chapter. Talking about their interests, being a good listener, etc. All of these things make you more likable because it shows you care about them, and by extension, their well-being.
Just like smiles, compliments are free!
Summary and Analysis
Be Genuinely Interested in Other People
Be a good listener!
Talk about their interests!
Remember the names of others and use them when conversing!
Smile and Compliment Others, They're Free!
Similar to Chapter One, Carnegie demonstrates simple ways to be a better conversationalist simply by being a more empathetic person. Whether it's listening, talking about the interests of others, or simply offering a smile or a compliment, these actions will improve your interactions on a daily basis regardless of who you speak to! Oftentimes we're caught up in talking about ourselves when listening to others should be about half of the conversation. It is equally important to make space as it is to take space!
For example in principle five, the idea of talking in terms of another's interests is a common technique used when dealing with shyer individuals (particularly children). By having them open up about what interests them, it allows them to get more comfortable engaging with others rather than feeling alienated from those around them.
However, these principles are equally important in your personal and professional relationships, especially in regards to being a good listener! In combination with the idea of "genuine interest" covered in principle one, one can allow others to feel important because they feel like their concerns and contributions are valid.
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